Unregistered Bull in a Hotel Lobby

Choice gleanings from 45-plus years of Unregistered Bull.

"Well," said John, "I’ve whipped off another letter to my Congressman, but I don’t expect a whole lot of results. I’m beginning to think he’s kinda like the smart hound dog an acquaintance of mine owned one time. He claimed that dog would mind better than any in the country, but when it came to proving it, all he could make that dog do was something the dog wanted to do — like when it was real hot and the dog was full of cornbread, you could tell him to crawl under the porch and go to sleep and he’d do it nearly every time.

"However, in the interest of local, state and national welfare, I claim it’s a good idea to write those boys in Washington occasionally just to let ‘em know you’ve got your poll tax receipt. Here’s a little practice shot that won’t ring any bell, but I’ve got plenty ammunition where this came from:

"My dear duly elected:

"I gather, from the confused reports in various newspapers, that the problem of labor out of Old Mexico is about as close to being solved as I am to becoming president of a Baptist college. The purpose of this epistle is to inquire why you boys up there don’t hurry up and get all those whereins, whereofs and whereases out of our system and settle this business so we can get somebody out on these ranches to put in a few new posts, clear a little brush from around the windmills, et cetera.

"Correct me if I’m wrong, but as I get the impression, there’s some politics mixed up in this business. In spite of the fact that American truck farmers are liable to lose their crops which would make more food for everybody, and despite the fact that the biggest crop in history needs to be chopped and picked, and regardless of how bad us ranch people need somebody that can be persuaded to take hold of an axe, you hombres have been sitting around on your referendums and the deal is in the biggest mess I ever saw.

"They tell me you’ve got a job on your hands, on account of so many Congressmen depending on the CIO vote are trying to keep Mexican labor out of this country, or want us to pay brush choppers the same wages union bricklayers get, or something like that.

"I’m positive you wouldn’t let personal politics interfere with duty to your country or your sense of right and wrong, so of course you’ll go to the mat with the CIO Congressmen on this issue. The situation is simple, as you savvy perfectly well. We need a lot of laborers on farms and ranches; the laborers we want to hire are starving to death and will risk being shot or anything else in order to work for the wages we’re willing and able to pay. There’s no supply of such labor available in the United States. If we don’t get the labor, food production in this country will be decreased to a great and needless extent.

"I hear that even in California, labor representatives outnumber agricultural representatives, so that as bad as California farmers need Mexican labor, they’re liable not to get it. But I don’t hear of any of you Texas or California saloons or salons or solons or whatever you are — I don’t read anything about you boys really locking horns with your opponents. Now’s the time to show some of those splendid qualities of leadership your press agents talked about when you were after my vote. Yours truly, John.

"P.S. Also, how about putting a stop to flying these hombres down into Mexico. You can understand what a shock it is for somebody that never rode in a car till they got to Texas to be forced into a contraption that roars como el diablo and leaves the earth. Some of these braceros suffer such a nervous shock from this experience that even after they walk back to the border and swim the river it takes them a week or two to get their feet on the ground. Others like it so well they expect us to charter a plane to take them to Villa Acuna for a weekend."—(S.F. 07/12/51)