Pokin' Fun 

By Doc Blakely

The Boating Trades Association of Texas had its annual shipwrecking bash by the edge of the water this year, as usual. That seems to be a real functional place to draw your ration of grog and do your imitation walk of a drunken sailor.

Boating is big business in Texas. Sales are way up over last year, and theft of boats is up 45 percent, which would indicate that people are stealing them about half as fast as they can be made. Until 20 years ago there were no titles to boats as there are to cars. The titles made it easier to prove ownership but have also produced a more clever boat thief.

The problem was that the state legislature passed a bill to issue titles to boats, but not enough money to cover the cost of the government employees processing and mailing. So the boat dealers sent in the paperwork with too little money and the state sent it back, three months later, with a note that it costs too much to process or the forms are not properly filled out and they have too much to do anyway. But the postage for not being able to afford to process all this was costing more than not being able to afford to process it in the first place.

The only profitable business going at that stage of the game was boat stealing, but the legislature started working on a new bill that made boat thieves pay a boat thief tax, and I think that finally funded the program so that we had fewer boats and therefore thefts were way down.

But all that has changed now that a lot of drug money is available and smugglers are resorting to buying the boats, title and all, from a thief and abandoning them or blowing them up after a run. A couple of government men gave their side of the story and agreed to accept 50 percent of the blame. The dealers were more generous and agreed to give them all the blame.

Anyway, everyone was good-natured about it. One of the directors said, "No reflection on the gentlemen here today, but have you heard the three biggest lies going around in Austin? They are: 'I've been a widower for several terms;' 'Of course I'll still respect you in the morning;' and 'I just borrowed this yacht for the weekend.’"

Statistics indicate that people buy a nice big boat for prestige more than for actual use, and since it sits out front a lot, it is easy to spot and steal. A truck driver friend of mine says he got his prestige a lot cheaper than the blue collar boys, and his boat is theft-proof. He just bought the trailer from a sunken yacht, parked it in front of the house, and when people ask about his boat, he answers, "I left it down at our beach home."