Pokin' Fun 

By Doc Blakely

Once in a while I come across a word in the English language that I’ve never heard of and don't understand, so I go to the trusty dictionary to look it up. The dictionary would make very interesting reading except that it changes the subject too often and the plot is absolutely terrible.

The first substantial word is Aardvark (a funny looking animal with a long snout), and the last word is Zymurgy (applied chemistry dealing with fermentation processes, as in brewing). No wonder they have never made a movie from this best-selling book. Even Walt Disney wouldn't touch a story about a drunken aardvark.

However, what brought this scholarly presentation to print was a word that ain't in my dictionary: Lexicographer. A man who claims to be one of those says that the 10 most beautiful words in our language are: dawn, hush, lullaby, murmuring, tranquil, mist, luminous, chimes, golden, and melody.

The man who is the expert on beautiful words goes by the name of Wilfred J. Funk. That sounds as unlikely as a pornography expert named Lily White, but Wilfred claims it's true because he is a poet and a lexicographer. Because I can't find out what a lexicographer is, I must assume he really is one, since it would be more difficult to prove than a politician's real intentions. But, Wilfred, your choice of beautiful words theory is about as appropriate as ugly on a duck around the farm. There is nothing beautiful about those words when used as answers to questions that come up in rural areas, such as:

"What time do I have to get up this Saturday, Dad?"

"Dawn."

"Elmer, what do you think of women’s liberation on the farm?"

"Hush."

"What's your favorite part of your grandkids’ visit?"

"Lullaby."

(One grandkid to another.) "What's Grandpa doing on the front porch?"

"Murmuring."

Yes, the rural melody from golden chimes shines luminous through the tranquil mist of each hushed dawn as each farmkid murmurs ever so softly the same lullaby:

"Pftttttttt."

It's not a beautiful word but is expressive, international, and doesn't have to be looked up in any dictionary.