20 Things That Are Somewhat Like Being In The Cattle Business

1. Knowing the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat.

2. Being handcuffed and forced to watch someone butcher hogs on your living room carpet.

3. Parking your new pickup at the end of your driveway, knowing it will be stolen by morning.

4. Playing poker with Donald Trump, Al Capone and Bruce Babbitt.

5. Being the public relations manager for Ted Turner, Ted Kuyzenski or Ted Kennedy.

6. Being Bill Clinton.

7. Watching a train go into a tunnel that you know is blocked at the other end.

8. Going to Del Rio for Cinco De Mayo and taking your cross-country skis.

9. Going to Las Vegas with a 20-dollar bill and no return ticket.

10. Two-man bungee jumping with your banker, while the cattle buyer holds the other end of the line.

11. Getting tear gassed and enjoying it.

12. Losing the $6 million dollar lottery by one number.

13. Buying stock in Chernobyl the day before the fire

14. Discovering you're related to Saddam Hussein.

15. Walking a tightrope across the Grand Canyon.

16. Seeing your face on a dart board at the regional IRS office.

17. Finding out that the FBI and Earth First! have you under surveillance.

18. Receiving news that your rich old bachelor uncle died and left his entire estate to the Newfoundland Dog Foundation.

19. Discovering that the only way your assets and liabilities could balance is if you married Bill Gates.

20. Going to a barber and saying "Be Creative!"

21. Playing pool on the kitchen table.

22. Losing your brakes at the top of Wolf Creek Pass.

23. Getting your prostate checked six days a week.

24. Having a drouth break with a seven-inch downpour that washes away your home.

25. Being bitten by your own dog.