The pork producers are to be commended. They have worked long and hard to improve the image of pork. For centuries pigs and fat have been connected at the jowl.

Porky, piggish, pig pen, pig-headed, pig-eyed, hoggish, ham-handed, hamstrung, pork barrel, hogwash, sow's ear, boar's nest, pig sty and pig in a poke are all terms that have become common when wishing to insult some human's appearance or behavior.

I've always admired those resolute loyal women who wore the banner proclaiming them Pork Princess.

But when the farmers changed the product (the market hog himself), they changed the public's perception of pork as well.

I thought "The other white meat" advertising slogan — a clever tie-in with chicken — was imaginative. I'm amazed how well it has sunk into the consumer's brain. 'Course, when they named it that, I don't think the pork producers ever figured it would be the same price!

But be that as it may, I've been plotting their next piggyback advertising relationship. One that will move them into a new level of sophistication and acceptance. How does this sound: "We shall serve no swine before it's time."

That's right, friends, National Hog Farms can become the Ernest and Julio Gallo of pork. Imagine two obviously happy, environmentally conscious, grandfather types appearing on the television, each holding a smoked ham and singing the praises of pork.

We'd see billboards with thirty-somethings on a beach somewhere smiling and toasting each other with a cracklin'.

North Carolina would become the Napa Valley of the pig business. People would plan vacations to swine country. They could go by the individual swineries for samples of head cheese, pickled pig’s feet, Baco bits, and sausage.

On college campuses, faculty would engage in swine and cheese parties.

Swine tasting would become an art form. At restaurants the Hamnelier (swine server) would bring out your entree, cut your first bite using special tongs and a pig sticker (sorry), and proffer it to your lips. You would sniff. Suck. Masticate. Savor and swallow.

"Excellent Herve'. It has a certain candor, a frankness that says ‘I'm from Oklahoma and proud of it.’ Haughty, but not coy, a boldness reminiscent of Javelina '55. Yet juicy and succulent, stepping into the new millennium while keeping a cloven appendage firmly ensconced in ...

"OH SHUT UP!"

Forgive me; I got carried away. But it's not often I can see this clearly into the future. Pop the Cork on Pork!