Ignorance And Carelessness
Contribute To Another Wreck

By Curt Brummett

Most everyone I have ever talked to about accidents agrees that they can be prevented. I believe that myself. There are several ways to prevent accidents.

For example, I was involved in an accident that involved a woman-type person down in South Texas. The poor goofy thing didn't have a clue as to what was happening, much less how it was happening. All she knew was it happened, and that was that.

You see people, I have this ability to locate the idiots of the world. And within about 45 seconds of locating one of 'em, I generally get asked to help 'em do something.

Well, this one time I honestly thought I was going to be of some help.

I was. Not much, but some. And after it was all over, I realized that carelessness and ignorance are the leading causes of accidents.

I had stopped on my way to the house to get a six-pack and decided to drink a cold one before I went on home. I was visiting with a neighbor when a couple walked in and started talking to the bartender. I had seen these people a time or two but had never really visited with them.

You see, they were yuppies. Actually, a yuppie and a yuppette.

The bartender came down to where Frank and me was sitting and asked if we might help the yuppies out. She said they had bought three calves to help keep their little acreage grazed down, and two of them appeared to be getting sick.

Like an idiot, I said I would try. Frank said he had to pick his wife up at work, but he would stop by on his way back and see if I needed any help.

I followed the yuppies to their place. Very nice house, pretty place. No pens, and only three acres in the pasture. They had a water tub and a feed trough by their backyard fence, and that was it. The calves were three days out of the sale barn and was a way-yonder sick.

I told the lady I would go get my horse and come back and rope 'em and doctor 'em.

She told me she didn't want 'em roped. She wanted 'em handled as gentle as possible.

I told her she had better put about six bottles of aspirin in the feed and hope they eat it. Then I asked if they had called a vet.

They had. The vet came out and told 'em to bring the calves to him, because he wasn't chasing three calves around a pasture. They had tried to load 'em in their new 16-foot stock trailer but didn't have all that much luck. That's when they came to the bar.

I was getting ready to leave when the yuppette asked how I would do it. I told her I’d get a horse, rope 'em and doctor 'em.

She finally agreed to let me go get the horse, but she wanted to be there for each one, just to make sure I didn't hurt one of 'em.

The yuppie figured I had it pretty well under control, so he left to play golf. He said he didn't want the damn calves anyway.

Now there's something that I need to explain here. These weren't just normal calves. They were Brahma, alligator, antelope crossbreeds and had sale stickers from at least three states still on their hips and backs. They weighed about 450 and should 'ave weighed six.

They also showed signs of being very fractious.

I went and got Easy. Easy is a very well-bred horse, Easy Jet, Go Man Go, with just a touch of idiot from Oklahoma in 'im. You might say the horse is just a tad hair-triggered when things go to hell.

I unloaded Easy and the calves (?) went to the back side. The yuppette is getting tense; she doesn't want 'em to get hot and nervous. I'm getting ticked off.

Did I mention there were a lot of mesquite trees in this little pasture?

I told the yuppette that I would rope one, tie 'im down, and she could carry the medicine to me and watch to make sure everything went like it was supposed to.

Easy and me commenced the proceedings. We finally got caught up to the first one and I got 'im roped. I had to trip that stupid line-bred, grass-wasting, blunt end of a bad joke of a breeding program three times to get 'im to lay. As I tied 'im down, I was thinking about how I was gonna turn 'im loose.

Well, the yuppette appears with the medicine. She didn't see me trip the disease-ridden varmint, so she wasn't upset yet.

She witnessed the treatment and seemed to be satisfied.

I got Easy up as close to the steer as I could, told her to get behind one of the trees and watch out, because this steer was gonna be looking for someone to take out his bad feelings on.

I was informed that the steer would actually appreciate what we had done for him and she wasn't worried about it (enter ignorance).

I untied 'im as slow and easy as I could. Then stepped up on my horse and started to go get another one. He didn't even know he was untied ‘til she walked over to help 'im up.

I tried to warn her but it was too late.

He bradded that little old yuppette right square in the breadbasket. Hit her so hard she blew off three pounds of lipstick and lost one of her Nikes.

I got the steer drove off and went to check her out.

She was miffed.

When I stepped off to see if she had any bones broke, I thought she had grown a mustache. It was only one of her eyelashes that had stuck to her lip.

I told her I would get the other two by myself.

She informed me that if my doctoring was gonna upset those calves like it upset the first one, she would just pay me for my time and I could go on home.

Worked for me.

I told her she had better stick pretty close to the trees in case she needed some protection from the upset one.

You wouldn't believe how she talked to me.

I got on Easy and headed back to the trailer. She started walking to the house. The freshly cured brahma started trotting towards her.

I hollered for her to get behind a tree. She hollered for me to go to hell (enter carelessness), just about the time the patient hit her again. Every time she tried to get up, he would hit her. I had to heel that steer and hold 'im down ‘til she managed to get back to the house.

She wasn't hurt other than just bruised. I tried to explain to her that I was really trying to help and I was really sorry she got mowed down. I don't think she believed I was sincere because I was laughing.

I didn't get paid that day.

And I never did figure out why Frank didn’t come came by.