1. I love the country, but the weather would be improved if ...

(a.) ... Nature were really indoors and air conditioned.

(b.) ... it never rained on weekends.

(c.) ... we had enough rain when and where we need it — just once.

2. As regards casual footwear, I ...

(a.) ... wear my Birkenstocks everywhere, even to town.

(b.) ... own a pair of Birkenstocks, but know better than to wear them to the feed store.

(c.) ... wouldn't know a Birkenstock if I stepped in a pile of it.

3. Last Thanksgiving I enjoyed ...

(a.) ... visiting my adopted turkey at the turkey rescue ranch.

(b.) ... all the turkey and cornbread dressing I could hold.

(c.) ... turkey is okay, but only once a year. I would rather have had a well-done pan-fried sirloin steak and canned peas.

4. When it comes to snakes, I ...

(a.) ... think rattlesnakes have rights, too.

(b.) ... won't go into the weeds or rocks just in case there might be a snake hiding in there.

(c.) ... killed a five-foot rattler on my front porch last week.

5. Animal nutrition is important. When it comes to dog food ...

(a.) ... my canine companion animal and I share my macrobiotic diet.

(b.) ... my local feed store/aromatherapy salon carries Science Diet at only $28.37 for a 10-pound bag.

(c.) ... my dogs eat whatever dog food is on sale, plus hoof parings, grasshoppers, horn nubs, rabbits, horse manure, calf testicles and the lickings from every greasy skillet on the place.

6. My place is covered with mesquite trees, so I ...

(a.) ... collect the beans to make flour. Muffins baked with it make really nasty-tasting burps, but ethnobotany is important.

(b.) ... plant more mesquites. I enjoy their beautiful lacy spreading canopies and mesquites are good xeriscaping trees because they don't need to be irrigated.

(c.) ... spend my life trying to kill the [@#$%^] water stealers. Did you know that if you drill into a newly cut mesquite stump and pour it full of diesel, you'll get a better kill rate?

7. There's a public riding stable not too far from my place. I ...

(a.) ... wouldn't consider participating in the thievery of uncompensated non-human-animal transport.

(b.) ... think paying $20 to ride a horse for an hour is fair.

(c.) ... have never been paid that much per hour to put a handle on a horse. I was really disappointed when I learned that they expected me to pay them, rather than the other way around.

8. The only thing wrong with living in the country is ...

(a.) ... you can't make a living out here.

(b.) ... you can't make a living out here.

(c.) ... you can't make a living out here.