Choice gleanings from 45-plus years of Unregistered Bull.

"The fickleness of fate and friendship," said John, "has seldom been more clearly shown than in the present plight of Los Angeles, the City of Angels, the Heaven on Earth of the Western Hemisphere.

"Ever since I can remember, the press except in parts of Florida has gladly cooperatd with the L.A. Chamber of Commerce, Hollywood, and the entire citizenry of Southern California in praising the wonderful climate and glorious opportunities of that fabulous city. It was the place where everybody hoped to go someday. People from all other parts of the country tried to be good enough businessmen or crooks to retire there in their old age.

"Now look what's happening. Every paper in the land carrying pictures and dirty stories about the Los Angeles smog. Poor Angelenos by the millions crying for somebody to do something before they smother or have to move back to Texas or Iowa.

"Of course, it's their own fault. For many years, residents of other states have been flocking to California to retire or take a job in a factory. Did you ever hear of anybody moving out there without writing back home and urging all his kinfolks and friends to come out and join him in Paradise?

"I see where scientists explain the smog problem as being caused by geography, but that's wrong. Writin', readin' and 'rithmetic are the real causes. Somebody was always writing about how wonderful everything was in Los Angeles; other people were reading it; meanwhile, everybody kept multiplying.

"Now, we see pictures of the Angels looking like Devils wearing gas-masks. I suppose there's a fortune waiting for the man who can figure out a way to make Los Angeles County air breathable, but it's not likely anybody will do it right away. The thing has gone too far. Even on a clear day, it's tough enough to breathe a mixture of one percent oxygen and 99 percent exhaust fumes. But can you imagine living in L.A. without a car? How can you talk a man with 40 acres of oranges out of lighting his smudge pots when the weather man says a frost is coming?

"Refineries, factories, incinerators — everything that makes smoke, odor, or dust, seems more or less necessary in Los Angeles. Nearly all of it has big capital investments behind it.

"Yep, it's a pitiful case. It's bound to cause a lot of actual suffering, for which the rest of the country is sincerely sympathetic. But the mental and emotional stain might be harder on Los Angeles residents than even the physical damage. A lot of Los Angeles citizens could move somewhere else, but that's almost as unthinkable as giving up their American citizenship. Smog pneumonia isn't much worse than having to move back to Chicago, Sherman, Shawnee or South Hutchinson.

"Now, it might be possible to build a big tunnel which would carry some fresh wind, with only a little clean sand, sheep pen dust, greasewood pollen and cedar berries in it, from Texas to California. We've got enough wind in West Texas practically any day to blow Los Angeles' smog and maybe part of Los Angeles itself clear out into the Pacific.

"But I doubt if the Angelenos would be interested in buying any of our breeze. Every time I've been out there, all I could hear about Texas was that this state is full of nothing but hot air, which Texans go to California to get away from.

"Maybe about half the people in Los Angeles could move up to Santa Barbara, thus getting out of the smog and leaving the remaining Angelenos a little more air per capita. This would serve Santa Barbara right. That town, with its beautiful millionaires, is slightly superior to the rest of the universe. It would be interesting to see if it could be smug about smog." — (S.F. 11/04/54)