Elections are a tricky business. To set things in perspective, the voters are the trickees. I don't intend to explain a political joke because too many were elected last year. Some folks tried to vote a straight ticket but couldn't decide which party was going straight.

The first thing to remember when one becomes a candidate is to get publicity, like the character who carried a card in his pocket which read, "I am a candidate. In case of accident, call a press conference."

The second thing to do is to hire someone to run over you so the card will be found. A truck veering onto a jogging path will do nicely. When the press gets there, you plant a question concerning a private poll that is being taken concerning you and your opponent. Quickly deny that such a poll exists and if it does, it is being conducted by the other guy, which won't reflect your true strength. Then hire somebody to leak the results showing you're way ahead.

The trouble with all this is that both parties have so much in common now — our money. In the old days, we only had to worry about getting scalped by the Indians, but now we worry about getting skinned at the voting booth.

Like the candidate who was advised by a staff member, "You have to go to Houston immediately. They're telling lies about you all over Houston."

The candidate replied, "Can't do it. I have a higher priority. I'm on my way to Dallas. They're telling the truth about me there."

But it all turns out okay. Just look at the highest office in the land. The President is associated with a smiling face, one who would never lie, not in a New York minute. She gets my vote. I'll vote early and often for Hillary, just as long as she stays out of good old honest Texas politics.