Deer are dying by the hundreds, probably thousands across West Texas. And, although hunting season started recently, the epizootic (i.e., an epidemic among animals) is not hunting-related.

In clinical terms, the deer are succumbing to acute trauma. Once stricken, the affected buck or doe dies almost immediately, sometimes traveling perhaps 30 feet before expiring. The pathology is characterized by massive hematomas and hemorrhaging. Massive internal injuries are observed upon necropsy. This "disease" is especially rampant during dry years, and especially during the autumn. And, if it doesn't rain soon, we've only experienced the tip of the iceberg.

So, what is this killer? Hard chrome bumper disease!

Road-killed deer are a common sight on many West Texas highways, but their frequency has skyrocketed over the last 30 days, thanks to burnt toast range conditions. Deer are often attracted to the roadsides where foraging conditions are better than in adjacent pastures. Add the dry weather with the upcoming rut and things are only going to deteriorate. Drivers beware!

To my knowledge there are no statistics on how many deer are killed on Texas' roads. I'd wager that the number would approach 200,000 annually. That compares with about 500,000 deer taken annually by Texas hunters.

Hard chrome bumper disease also affects humans, usually in the lower right hip (i.e., pocketbook). And most of us have been "innoculated." A number of years ago, I read where the average automobile collision with a deer required $2100 worth of body work. I'd further wager that figure is $3000 or more. Ask your local body shop owner how many deer dents he removes during a year's time.

I suspect statistics are kept on how many fatal accidents occur in Texas because of deer collisions, but I'll be it's underestimated. How many times do you read about one-car rollovers late at night where the driver left the roadway and was killed? Some are no doubt due to driver fatigue, but I'll argue that many are due to the sudden appearance of a deer in the headlights, and the driver's impulse to swerve and miss the deer. They miss the deer alright, but don't live to tell of it.

While I've had a number of close misses, I've only hit one deer in 15 years of driving some of Texas' most densely populated deer country. I now know what a .243 bullet must feel like as it zeroes in on a buck's broadside. I was braking hard and was helpless as the buck methodically walked right in front of me. In that split second, I had told myself that I wasn't going off the roadway in order to miss the deer. My visions of that moment replay in slow motion, not unlike a smart bomb going down an Iraqi smokestack.

Most of that travel was in a low-slung state-owned station wagon ... just about the right height to suck a deer in through the front windshield. Many times I've longed for a more substantial vehicle with a stout grill guard on it.

Many times it's not so much us running into deer as deer running into us. And it's usually the deer we don't see that hits us! Probably the worst place to hit a deer is with the corner of your front bumper. A hit here means the deer will cartwheel all down the side of one's vehicle, with each ding adding a thousand dollars to the body shop's till.

Like the risk of rattlesnake bits, driving through deer country is an inherent risk of living in West Texas as far as I'm concerned. It's not a matter of if you're going to hit a deer, but when. I wonder if those fellows who buzz around me on their Harleys at 80 mph are aware of such destinies?

There's no surefire way to avoid deer collisions. While a lot of vehicles are equipped with those ultrasonic "deer warning" devices, there's no research data that I'm aware of to suggest they are effective. Studies suggest that deer hear about the same range of audio frequencies as people do, and some studies have failed to document any sound from the whistles, audible or otherwise. Several years ago, I surveyed a group of people about whether the deer "whistles" were effective, and most suggested they were not. One anecdote, though ... some who used the whistles claimed that turkey vultures did flush from the road earlier. Perhaps the products should be marketed as "buzzbusters?"

The best advice I can give to minimize one's damage from deer collisions is (1.) stay alert in areas that are known deer "hot spots" (some examples include U.S. 71 from Brady to Llano and U.S. 67 from Mertzon to Big Lake); (2.) commit yourself to going through the deer as opposed to going off the roadway to miss it; and (3.) have a stout grille guard.